BOOK REVIEW

Women Food and God by Geneen Roth

I just read this book by Geneen Roth. It describes eating disorders, and in particular MY eating disorder, perfectly. I felt like she was quoting my brain at times. She says, "Every single person has a shtick with food." I was glad to know it wasn't just me. I also related to when she said, "Overeating was my way to punish and shame myself; each time I gained weight, each time I failed at a diet, I proved to myself that my deepest fear was true: I was pathetic and doomed and I didn't deserve to live." She goes on to say, "Dieting was like praying. It was a plaintive cry to whoever was listening: I know I'm fat. I know I'm ugly. I know I'm undisciplined, but see how hard I try. See how violently I restrict myself, deprive myself, punish myself. Surely there must be a reward for those who know how horrible they are."

But I really can't recommend this book. Geneen is definitely not LDS. She uses terrible language throughout her book that made me cringe. Partly because it was uncalled for and partly because I've been taught not to use that kind of language. Also, her view on God is not the same as mine.

Geneen Roth's view on God reminded me of something President Hinckley said in 2001. He quoted William Earnest Hemingway's poem "Invictus." (I thank whatever Gods may be for my unconquerable soul... I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul." Geneen Roth's view is exactly this. But President Hinckley goes on to quote another poem that is a response to "Invictus" by Orson F. Whitney. This poem takes into account the atonement. It is what I have used to help me through my struggles with food and obsession.... It says:

Art thou in truth? Then what of him
Who bought thee with his blood?
Who plunged into devouring seas
And snatched thee from the flood?

Free will is thine -- free agency,
To wield for right or wrong;
But thou must answer unto him
To whom all souls belong.

Bend to the dust that head "unbowed,"
Small part of life's great whole!
And see in him, and him alone,
The Captain of thy soul.

That's my testimony. That the atonement, love and focus on my Savior will help me to overcome my obsession with food. The surgery has helped. But it's not enough. I'm still struggling. I'm still learning. And I probably will always have to have this trial. But Heavenly Father loves and knows me. He has helped me (through angels here on earth too) to overcome my compulsion with food. I'm grateful to Him. I am grateful to the many "angels" who have supported me through this difficult, unhealthy time I have been in. God lives! The atonement happened! It happened to save us all, but also to save me from my dangerous attraction to food in my life!

SORE

Well, I'm starting a weight regimen. My exercise coaches at the weight loss center told me to do so starting two weeks ago. But I didn't take the time to learn how until yesterday. So I used 3 lb. weights and lifted for about 30 minutes. I learned the lingo. I did 2 "sets" of 8 "reps" each in 8 different "exercises." I'm not trying to bulk up, just be healthy and build some strength to fight fat. :-) Well, it wasn't too hard. And I felt good afterwards. Really good. Amy said I would probably feel sore today, but I didn't think anything of it until I woke up this morning aching. She was right. I'm sore. I'm aching. And I can only take Tylonal. Tomorrow I have to lift again. I guess I'll get stronger, but right now I'm just in pain....

4 MONTHS!

I've made it! It's been 4 months since my surgery! And now I am at liberty to eat what I want. I have no more restrictions on my diet! I can eat tomatoes now! And I can eat citrus fruits now too! I can eat a salad! I can have beef! I can eat pasta, bread and rice! :-) Of course, all in SMALL, SMALL, SMALL amounts. But it's still a monumental, exciting day! According to my nutritionist, my stomach pouch is now the size of a baseball/racquetball by now! :-)

The toughest part about my eating plan at this point is making sure that I don't migrate back to old habits.

Here are some of the basic fundamentals I need to remember and practice....

1. PROTEIN FIRST: Whenever I look down at the plate of food I have prepared, I should mentally identify the protein and eat three bites of it before eating anything else on my plate. My protein goal is 60-80 grams of protein per day. I need to eat fruits and vegetables next.

2. SNACKING: I should now eat three meals per day and two 100 calorie snacks throughout the day. Each snack should be protein rich or have lots of fiber. Some snacks could include: 2/3 cup low fat cottage cheese, 1/2 protein bar, 19 peanuts, 1 round laughing cow cheese, 1 medium apple, celery, 1 cup strawberries, etc.

3. WATER: This is the best, cheapest and most effective beverage anyone can drink. I need to drink at least 64 ounces a day. I drink A LOT more.

4. VITAMINS/MINERALS: Every gastric bypass patient needs to supplement their diet with vitamins and minerals or they can become anemic and malnourished. This is the most difficult for me. I often throw-up my supplements for no reason at all. It just depends on the day. I'm going to try taking non-chewable vitamins now and see if that helps.....

A NOTE ABOUT STARCHES: There are two types of starch I can choose to eat: Whole grains (whole wheat, brown rice, etc.) provide complex carbohydrates, where refined grains (white bread, white rice, pasta, things made from sugar) provide simple carbs. My best choice is the whole grain starches. When choosing to have straches, I need to limit the amount because they act as a sponge in the stomach and leave little room for proteins, fruits and vegetables. Starches should only be eaten 3-4 times per week.

So now you have the information that I have! Whether you wanted it or not! :-)

SMILES

I am feeling great! I've never had so much energy! Or at least, I don't remember ever having so much energy. I'm fitting into clothes I like. And I'm finally figuring out how to "listen" to my body. I'm not throwing up (at least not too often). And the only discomfort I seem to have anymore is constant burping if I eat the wrong thing or eat too fast or eat too much. But I'm not eating too much anymore... and I've learned, pretty much, which foods to avoid. :-) I'm really full of smiles! And, if I say so myself, I look good too! :-) I'm not skinny yet. But I feel and look better than I did 6 months ago! Life is good!

ACCOMPLISHMENT

I did it! I reached one of my goals for the surgery! :-)

I have wanted to shop in the "regular" clothes section for over 15 years. I hated going to the plus size women part of the store. The "regular" clothing was so much more cuter...

On Friday I purchased three blouses and a skirt. They were all in the "normal" sizes! :-) I used to wear sizes 24-28, but all the blouses AND the skirt were size 16-18. :-) I'm sooo happy I could scream! As soon as I made my purchases, I called my good friend, Joanne! She shared in my joy! I think she was as excited as I was! :-)

LABOR DAY

Had a great day in Kentucky!

For details, check out our family blog: sdsquared.blogspot.com.

Here's a current photo from today! :-)

SORE AND BRAVE

I'm still sore after my fall. I've been sore since Tuesday afternoon. It's Saturday night. But the pain is getting less and less. Mom and my sister wanted me to go to the doctor... but I didn't want to pay a co-pay of $30. So I'm just "living with it." I do have two knots in my shoulder blades that I can't seem to work out. I've had Scott rub them, Kiara and Katia work on them, and I've even tried to pinch out the knots myself. I'm sore. Hopefully they'll work themselves out soon....

I went to visit one of the people I visit teach this morning. She just got home from head surgery. She had an infection on her brain and they had to operate. It wasn't cancer. Yeah! But if I'm the sore one, she's the brave one. She just got home from being in the hospital for 6 days and an incredibly frightening surgery. When we visited this morning, she was dressed, had make-up on and was walking (slowly) around. I was so impressed with her stamina and her bravery. I want to learn that from her!

FALL

Yesterday I fell. I was volunteering at Katia's school. I was hanging paper from bulletin boards and standing on a chair to do so. I fell trying to hold the paper and stand up on the chair. I was observed by a student and felt more stupid than hurt.... I didn't fall far. But I did fall on my toosh.

Today my buttocks is extremely sore. And walking is hard. I feel like my legs are made of spaghetti. I hope I didn't hurt anything permanently. The really bad news is that I'm out of Tylenol, and I'm not aloud to take Ibuprofen or Alieve.... Guess I need to run to the store.