Thursday, June 24, 2010


I was diagnosed with chemical depression in 1992. Since then I have been on some sort of medication to combat the sadness that often creeps up on me if I stop taking my meds. Throughout the years I've struggled with maintaining that balance I get with the medication and my mood swings. It's not always easy. But I find that if I take my medicine and if I remember: "IF YOU DO GOOD, YOU FEEL GOOD!" (My father always used to quote that.) I usually feel better....

For some reason, my depression is returning. I'm not sure if it's the fact that I REALLY miss my family. Or maybe it's because I feel like I throw-up everything I put into my mouth (including water, medications, or food.) Or maybe it's because I'm feeling a sense of loss over NOT being able to eat foods I once enjoyed. Or maybe it's because I'm tired ALL the time (I guess the surgery has really taken a tole on my body). Or that I'm constantly having dry mouth even though I am sipping on water whenever I get the chance. Whatever the reason, I feel sad.

Almost every morning, I wake up and lie in bed for a good hour before I actually convince myself to get out of bed... usually because I am despirately thirsty.

I'm still taking my mood altering medications. But I wonder if they are working. I try to use my dad's advice... but I feel like there's nothing good to do... I feel like there's nothing to do....

I'm sure I'll be OK. I know Heavenly Father wanted me to be healthy and that's why I did this crazy surgery! I know that my family is behind me 100% of the way. I just feel down and that's what depression does to you. I've lived with it for over 19 years. This too will pass.


  1. Hi kid! I finally know what you and others in the family have been going through with the depression. I have had the winter blues for years, but last year it hung around until way into summer. I actually think it had a lot to do with my being released as Bishop (although my time was up anyway).

    This winter it has happened again and I have spent one of the lowest six months of my life. I too am also now on medication and it is helping me tremendously. I am sorry you are feeling low and I hope you will contact your physician as soon as possible. Dosage may well have to be changed, or even different drugs, after the surgery.

    But you also must expect to be very tired for at least six weeks. It takes that long to heal from major surgeries. If oyu would have taken my A&*P Class you would know that. ;-)

  2. Hey, Kiddo, I'll call you here in a minute or two... Mom