A BLUE FUNK

I'm feeling melancholy.

Yesterday I ate some chicken for lunch. It was left-over from the hospital, so it was a bit dry. Unfortunately, it got stuck in my esophagus. The pain was intense. I really WANTED to throw-up, and I did. But even that didn't help my distress. I laid down for an hour, and still felt the constant burn/pressure in my chest cavity. I sipped some water and the pain returned stronger. I finally broke down and called the bariatric center. I thought I perhaps had a stricture. But I didn't. It was just swollen from eating dry chicken. I was to suck on ice-chips for about 2 hours and then return to a liquid diet for the rest of the day. I'm back to "normal" today.

My mom is going home today. Dad came to get her last night. I LOVE seeing my father! But I am really going to miss my mother when she leaves. She is so nurturing. And she's a fun companion to be around. So I'm already missing her. I guess we all have to grow up and leave our mommys, but I don't want too.

The Gunderson's also left for the weekend. They are helping Joanne's parents move. So I am all alone.

It is time for reflexion and solitude. It's also proving to be a time for missing my husband and daughters. They are the light of my life.

Part of me wishes I had never had the surgery so I can be with them right now. I KNOW the gastric by-pass surgery was for my own good. I KNOW that it will add years to my life where I can be healthier and happier. I KNOW that it was a good thing for me to do. But I FEEL depressed that I'm not with my family right now. I FEEL down that this surgery recovery isn't easier. I FEEL forlorn about the food I have to eat (I really just don't want to eat at all - especially breakfast). I don't like my diet right now (chicken, fish, turkey and cottage cheese). It's bland.

OK, enough of my pity party. I'll be fine after I have a good cry....